Unhealthy Stress Management

I'm not good with dealing with my problems. I dont like to talk about them, and I dont enjoy having people know that I am feeling anything other than happiness. I bury my problems. Waaaaaaay down deep. Once buried, I can go about my life like nothing is wrong, like everything is good and well and fucking wonderful.There is only one problem with this method.... I am running out of room. My deep dark pit of hatred and anger is all filled up, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to keep my cool.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am a pretty even tempered guy. Those unfortunate to know about my rage have dubbed it "Hulking Out". This is where I release all my anger and frustration at once, lose myself in a blind fit of fury, and basically destroy all control over my rational mind. I cant turn it off, and I cant control it.

I wish I could get all my pain off of my chest. Talk it out and let the people in my life know how I feel. Unfortunately, I know i will never do that. I'm feeling hopeless lately, like my life will just drift along at this pace and I will have not lived any of it, just existed through it. Time is against me. I know this, and yet I waste it every chance I get. I am not happy, and there is no one thing that makes me feel this way. Just an ever expanding list of complications, and situations that I have no idea how to deal with....

I feel like Im coming apart at the seams. I worry about losing my job, my family, my friends....
and at the same time, I just want to leave my whole life behind and start new.

You get one shot at life, its short and then its over. When you make mistakes, it doesnt just effect you, you effects all of those around you. People are interdependant, everyone lives intermingle, cause and effect on personal levels. So we are forced to live with those mistakes, like it or not. Starting over is hardly ever an option without damaging the social environment that surrounds you. Maybe thats why I am always feeling like shit. I know I cant do anything to fix my situation, and Im a prisoner of my own life.