Misery doesnt love company..it loves misery.

So my wife found out I was posting bullshit on the internet on personal ads. Would I have met those people? Maybe.... but I doubt it. Do I really have time to meet people anyway...

Anyway, Im getting an opportunity to get out of my marriage, take the kids and leave kinda thing.... Should I take it... isnt this what I wanted, a clean break, a chance to do my own thing. Yet part of me feels guilty about it. Like I should give my marriage a chance. I will to. One more year to fix this mess of my life. To make it into what I need. With my life so short, and so many missed or passed opportunities..... I just cant do it anymore. So one more year.... and then Im calling it quits. By then the house will be more sellable, the kids a bit older, and the money thing sorted out. She can take 75% of it, and I'll supply her with suitable alimony and child support. I will cover my end. Im not a complete scumbag.

Why didnt I just say I didnt love her, and let that be that all those many years ago when she was drunk and crying in my lap in a field? Or when she was drunk and fucked that guy.... the guy I hate but still have to be cordial to for appearances sake, Why didnt I just call it off and say fuck it?

My head hurts.... I feel guilty and fucking human. I hate life.